Sourdough Bread – A Timeless Art

October 5th, 2010

“Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in where nature may heal and cheer and give strength to the body and soul.” – John Muir


Sourdough is the oldest and most original form of leavened bread, going all the way back to the ancient Egyptians around 1500 BC. It was undoubtably discovered by accident, since the Egytians invented, and made a lot of beer, and the wild yeast from the process most likely got into the flour. Brewing and cooking were usually done in the same place. They obvously noticed the bread was baking much lighter and taller, and eventually isolated the source. And so was born a timeless art.

Sourdough bread not only tastes good, it’s also better for you.

The process of making sourdough bread is a labour of love and if you’re not committed to the partnership, the results can be heartbreaking – instead of a loaf of soft delicious bread, you get a brick!  But when you get it right, the results are delicious and satisfying, just like a good relationship!

There’s something deeply satisfying about baking your own bread.  One of life’s great pleasures is eating, warm bread, fresh from the oven, slathered with salty organic butter that drips off the edges as you eat it.

Good bread not only fills the stomach, it also fills the soul.  It’s no accident that the most famous prayer in the Western world begins, “Our Father, Who art in heaven, Hallowed by Thy Name.  Give us this day our daily bread….”.  Bread has sustained humans for thousands of years and it’s still a staple in most homes today.


I love the process of making bread, it is a time of mindfulness where there is nothing to think about but the bread.

The earthy pungent aroma of the sourdough starter.  The sticky warm sensation of the dough in your hands.  The knowledge that the bread is alive, full of organisms that create complex flavours and connect us to ancient civilisations.  As well as the enjoyment of mouth watering aromas that fill the house as the bread bakes.  There is also the pleasure and appreciation of friends and family as they enjoy eating your loafy, labour of love.

An added benefit of making our own bread, is that it is an excellent way to bring my children back into harmony.   I simply stick a lump of dough in their hands and it’s amazing to see how their focus changes and becomes about the bread instead of whatever it was that was troubling them (such as hitting each each other).

In this complex and fast paced world, it is nice to go back to the basics of life and just bake some good bread for our families. So, if you haven’t tried it before, give it a go!

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Posted in Family, Feature, Food glorious food | 2 Comments »

Parenting, Social Conditioning and Child Sexual Abuse

September 21st, 2010

I think most parents gauge their parental skills on how “good” their children are and likewise, we are rigorously judged by others, according to how well our children behave. Parents of well-behaved children are universally praised and admired and much of what we read and learn about parenting guides us on how to raise “good” boys and girls. This unfortunately, is the very quality that makes our children so vulnerable to sexual abuse.

I feel in order to protect our children from sexual abuse; we need to make a shift in our perspective on what makes a good parent and what society perceives as a “good” child. Part of that shift needs to begin with the recognition that, in fact, being a good parent is actually about YOU and how you choose to respond to your child in the moment – how you choose to stand in your own power, how you choose to meet difficult challenges, how you choose to respond to joyful moments and what’s actually going on inside of you.

We live in a culture where “good boys and girls” are something most parents strive for. The majority of adults who converse with our children make comments such as “Have you been a good girl”, or “You be good for mummy won’t you”. This kind of thinking inculcates the perception that children are NOT good and for the children, they often receive the message loud and clear that their “goodness” is to be earned.

Jean Leidoff noted in The Continuum Concept (Leidoff, J. (1986) p. 39. The Continuum Concept Penguin Books, London, UK) that, “The social behaviour of a child develops among expected influences and examples set him by his society. Innate drives also impel him to do what he perceives is expected of him by his fellow humans; the fellow humans let him know what they expect, according to the culture. Learning is a process of fulfilling expectations for certain kinds of information”.

When we are talking about children, “good” equals obedient and let’s face it, obedient makes our lives easier. On the flip side, the child who has been raised with liberty and an inherent trust in their innate goodness, can and often will say no and will often challenge us on emotional levels we are not yet ready to face. I think that parenting along such lines in our culture can be more challenging, but the rewards for ourselves, for our children and for humanity as a whole are boundless.

A “good child”, bound by rules and prohibitions about what his parents want him not to do and who is punished if he fails to meet these expectations, is being denied the opportunity to nurture his own flexibility, his sense of power and his personal resourcefulness. A child taught to follow the rules instead of being taught to respond intuitively and flexibly to real-life, real-time information will be at a distinct disadvantage if confronted by the resourceful and dangerous paedophile or molester.

A so-called “good child” is vulnerable to the manipulative and devious workings of the molester who will often abuse their role as an authority figure. A resilient and resourceful child, who has been raised with love, respect and given healthy boundaries but is not rule-bound, will have the intestinal fortitude and savvy awareness required to outsmart the approaches of a child predator.

When children feel valued and respected, they are more likely to tell someone they trust if they are worried or have suffered abuse. Furthermore, when they are empowered, they are more likely to be assertive and self-confident and less likely to be targeted by potential abusers.

So, be mindful of the things you do and say to your children in your efforts to make them socially adept. Respect their abilities to make assessments of people and situations and support them if they feel the need to defy an adult – any adult — even if it’s as simple as feeling uncomfortable giving Aunty June or Grandpa a kiss or a hug.

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Posted in Child Sexual Abuse, Family, Parenting | 7 Comments »

Up, Up And Away!

September 13th, 2010

I’ve yet to share my other great love, which is flying.  Both my children and flying are such all consuming loves and its been difficult to share the two, as each one takes up so much of my concentration! But as my children are getting bigger and are now off to school (still feels pretty weird I gotta tell you) there seems to be a bit of space for me to think about flying again.

Recently, I worked hard and earned my instructor rating back, which means that I could work again as a flying instructor and to be perfectly honest it was bloody nerve racking.  I was terrified the whole time.  The bygone days of being fearless and free are far behind me and as I sat in the back of a little aerobatic aeroplane (called a Decathalon) with a student in the front, seemingly hell bent on killing us both (commonly known as learning to land ) I took a moment to contemplate my precious children back home and how I really hoped that I would see them both again!  So after a few days of this terror, I decided that the monotony of my life really wasn’t that bad… really.  I decided that if I was going to instruct again, it would need to be a different kind of aircraft – something…slower.

I still have adventure in me…I do!  But there’s adventure and there’s adventure.  I am only up for post motherhood adventure at the moment- nice and SAFE.

One of the most beautiful things that has come from our love of flying (my husband is also a pilot) is that our children have been around aeoplanes since they were babes in arms and so, they both have a love of all things aviation. Recently Skye (aptly named) went up in a vinatge Tigermoth with her daddy in the freeezing cold and rain (its an open cockpit).  She had three jumpers on and  two pairs of socks, gloves and scarves  and my God, she was scared and excited and so was I!

Here she is posing for a nice photo at 3000 feet! Off to work with daddy!

There was a flying event that was about 30 minutes flying time away and she went one way in the tigermoth and came home in a Cessna 152 where she did some aerobatics.  What a lucky girl she is.

Still posing even though the aeroplane is turning upside down doing Barrel Roll!  What poise :)

Who say’s that 8 year olds girls can’t fly planes…and smile at the same time?

All ready to go and a final thumbs up for confirmation.

Here’s just a few of our most recent flying adventures…

A little boy and a big aeroplane – “what’s up there baby?”  Oooh that’s where the wheels go!

A little trip over to Rottnest Island for the day to see some Quokkas (small furry rat like critters)

Oh you know…just hanging out with the Red Bull Air Race pilots…as you do :)  Hey Kirby Chambliss what up?

Steve Jones and Skye – good buddies

Here’s my baby seated on a fully armed ejection seat…no baby don’t pull that one.

Sometimes it’s just nice to sit in the back and talk to my girl.

Trent (husband) recently had the opportunity to go up with the RAAF Roulette’s to take some photo’s and this was a great self portrait- some people have all the luck!

So now that aviation and I are buddies again, I’ll be sure to share some more flying stories from time to time.

xxx

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Back To School..Literally!

September 5th, 2010


Once again my children have proven to be my greatest teachers.  I sit in awe at their effortless brilliance and their infinite wisdom.  Like a disciple bowed at the foot of her master, I am humbled as every day they teach me about being a better person and a more flexible parent.  I am so grateful to them for offering me another opportunity to become more whole and complete and to bring out those unhealed parts of myself so that I may recognize them and begin to heal them.

You see I have just left them both at school.  Yes, you heard me ; school. How did we come to this? Well, I’ll get to that in a moment but for now I just need to take a moment to sop up the flood of tears that keep erupting from my eyes like a great flowing torrent.

These are tears born of grief and pride as my children take another step into their own power and independence.  They are tears of fear as I lean to entrust them into the care of others.  They are tears of joy, as I contemplate my own freedom and independence.  They are tears of regret and self-doubt as I wonder if I have made the best choices for them.

It is so quiet here and I cry because of that too.  Simply because I love their company and their noise and it’s strange to be without their …noise.

So how did we get here?  After my last post, I was sure in my mind that homeschooling was the best thing for us…for them.  But they decided that they wanted to give school a go and so I have honoured that.  It is their life and I have always encouraged them to make choices for themselves, based on what they want to experience.

This has been a lesson in trust and a lesson in letting go of ideals and expectations.  This has been about living in the now and trusting my children.    They are now on a new adventure and experiencing new things with new people.  I could have talked them out of it – easily, but I want them to experience all that they wish to experience and so we found a lovely little local school and talked to all and sundry.   We took them to sit and watch the class and talk to their respective teachers and they were excited.  In fact Skye was so excited she elected to stay the whole day.

There is so much about this that I am struggling with but this isn’t about me is it?  It’s about my children and as long as they are safe and happy, I cannot in all good conscience talk them out of it.  They know that ultimately it is their choice to stay at school and they understand that they are the masters of their own destiny.   There are of course times in their lives when I can and should interviene and other times I simply should not- this is one of those times.

I have realized that my perceptions, concerns and prejudices about the school system are my own, largely based on my own negative experiences – this is not my children’s experience.  My worries are not their worries – thankfully, and as they embark on this new adventure, they are free of any preconceived ideas about how school is or for that matter how it should be.  They are simply taking each day at a time and will formulate their own ideas about it all in due course.

They are teaching me many valuable lessons and they themselves are gaining wisdom and strength as they take another step out into the big wide world.

We will take each day as it comes and I will try to be more open and wise, in an attempt to keep up with their evolution.

xxx


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Posted in Closet Philosophy, Family, Feature, Parenting | 3 Comments »

Teaching Children Virtues Through Storytelling.

August 4th, 2010

 

I have always been a great fan of story telling.  One of my fondest childhood memories is of my fathers amazing bedtime stories; of flying toilets and magical places, of incredible adventures and tragic tales.  I would sit in awe, night after night, listening in wonder to his stories;  hanging off his every word, as if he were Shakespeare himself, reciting his latest literary masterpiece. 

Since my children have been babies I have sat with them night after night and told them stories.  Some are short and sweet and some go on for several nights like an epic tale.  Sometimes they get so hilarious that my children go into hysterical fits of laughter (they usually involve charaters that fart or sneeze out huge green boogies) and don’t go to sleep for an hour afterwards (I’ve learnt to tone those ones down) and some are so exciting that they can’t wait to get into bed to find out what happens next!

Story telling is such a beautiful way to share many of life’s lessons, to bond with our children, to encourage imagination, to teach virtues and to assist them in developing a moral life. Anthropologists, psychologists, and historians alike, believe that storytelling has been with us since the beginning of our existence – in fact, they argue that storytelling is that which defines our humanity.

Our children are bombarded with so many images telling them how they should be in the world but there seems to be a distinct lack of influences helping them to know how to make right choices, how they should feel, about themselves and about the world we live it and how they should deal with difficulties and challenges. I don’t know about you, but it seems like a pretty scary place for our children sometimes and I feel they need all the moral support and inner courage they can get.

Let’s make a return to the ancient art of storytelling as a way to instill character traits and to help our children cope with the challenges in their lifetime. 

Throughout man’s history, people have used myths, fables and fairy tales to instruct children on ethical and moral expectations. Stories reveal how the world works. Stories allow children to experience great struggles and risks, vicariously. They can take a child on a perilous journey and show them how to overcome obstacles and emerge victoriously.

Good stories speak to the depths of a child’s soul. Never underestimate the power of literature to teach good character. Stories and poems can help our children see what virtues and vices look like. They offer heroes to emulate.

Children see things in pictures and will be there in the story and feel what the character is feeling and go through the changes they go through. These moral lessons lodge in the heart and mind and stay there.

I see all the gadgets and gismos around today that “read to your child” and I cringe! Reading to our children and making up stories that address their real-life problems or concerns is not something that can be manufactured by a computer or read-along-book.

Reading aloud and spinning a great yarn, may be one of the most powerful contributions that we can make toward developing good character in our children.
     
Story telling is particularly effective in influencing the way our children think and behave, because they like to hear or read them over and over again.   There have been many stories I have made up over the years that my children want to hear over and over again, to this day.  Often my children themselves are the heroes of their own story.  

The stories they love to hear over and over again are the ones they relate to the most.  It may be the tale of a determined little ant, that dreams of going to the moon or a giant farting, burping, shlurping, troll that wants to be loved but they love them, no matter how many times they hear them.    This repetition, combined with our children’s imaginations and the inestimable power of our presence, makes stories one of the best ways to influence their thinking.

Oftentimes, I will create a story based on the things my children have experienced during their day.  I will turn a failure into a victory or a hurtful experience or disagreement into an exciting adventure.   These precious moments let our children know that we understand how they feel and what they are going through.  It lets them know that we are there for them and provides an invaluable opportunity for bonding.  Connecting on the level of imagination, creates a gentle meeting, a special kind of closeness

Plato said that children should be brought up in such a way that they will fall in love with virtue and hate vice. How does a child fall in love with virtue? By being exposed to the right kind of stories, music, and art, said Plato.

 Stories, because of their hold on the imagination, can create an attachment to goodness. The nature of stories enables us to “rehearse” moral decisions, strengthening our solidarity with the good. Story telling is a particularly good way to teach our children realistic thinking, as stories can show them how people realistically solve their problems.
     
Great stories touch our children on the level of imagination and emotion. “A child can express his real self in imagination because the imagination is unmediated by anybody else’s expectations or demands,” says Alan Flashman MD, a child psychiatrist. “It’s not imposed on him. It comes from within his inner life. Imagination is important because it integrates a child’s feelings and dreams and actions. It’s a place where a child can experiment and feel control and power. But we should respect the integrity and freedom of the experience rather than trying to quantify it as a utilitarian activity”.

Nonetheless, a child with an active imagination benefits because he has a way to deal with intense emotions. New Jersey school psychologist, Beth Falk, PhD, explains: “Kids can become overwhelmed by their emotions but by using their imaginations, they can master their feelings. If a child is afraid of a monster, he can make up a story about hunting down the monster and scaring it and turning it into something else. He’s found a way to transform it.”

So, tonight when you tuck your little one (or big one) into their bed, why not reconnect with your imagination and tell them a story from your own heart.  You may rediscover a lost part of yourself, the authentic self who engages with the world without premeditation or pretense and disguise. It may give your child a greater insight into you and you into them. 

Tell them a story about when you were a child or something funny that you have experienced.  Tell them about your dreams and your family history.  Make it funny or turn your dreams into an adventure.  Transform yourself into a fictional charater or an animal and just let your imagination run wild!  

Reconnect with your inner child and your own creativity and imagination.  This will mean more to your children than you can possibly imagine. 

So don’t go without making a comment.  I love to read your comments and I would love to hear about your story telling adventures…or lack of.  

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Posted in Closet Philosophy, Family, Feature, Home Schooling, Parenting | 4 Comments »

Do Schools Kill Creativity?

August 1st, 2010

“The aim of education should be to teach us rather how to think, than what to think—rather to improve our minds, so as to enable us to think for ourselves, than to load the memory with the thoughts of other men.” ~Bill Beattie

I have been spending what could arguably be way too much time, musing over the education of my children and wondering whether or not our decision to home school is ultimately going to be the soundest choice for them and for that matter; for me.  

Like Rodin’s ‘Thinker”, I have sat with fist on chin, contemplating the pro’s and con’s of school versus home school and wondering why there are so many schools surrounding me and none that would give my children what I believe they deserve.    

There are days when I would happily put them back in school – for my own sanity but then I feel guilty for indulging such selfish thoughts.   What would Einstein do?  

 

Until our schooling system changes drastically, I can’t imagine encouraging my children to be part of that system.   I passionately disagree with it and all that it stands for.  I wouldn’t dream of judging anyone who does choose to put their children in school.  It is such a personal choice, with so many things to take into account. Sometimes there is simply no choice. 

Yet, whatever we choose for our children, one has to wonder why the current system of schooling has endured for so long.  Like a dog with a dry old bone that is long devoid of any sustenance, we persist with a system of schooling that fails to nourish the true needs of our children.  The powers that be, seem so resistant to change and consequently our children’s creativity, individuality and true potential can be lost in the system.

So, as I searched for answers, I remembered this awesome talk from creativity expert Sir Ken Robinson, who challenges the way we’re educating our children. He champions a radical rethink of our school systems, to cultivate creativity and acknowledge multiple types of intelligence. 

If he creates a school, I’ll send my children to it in a heartbeat, but for now the best I can offer them is myself and my commitment to do the best I can.  For now, I will take advice from the great man himself (Einstein) who said,   “Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he leared at school”.  I feel better already!

Please take a moment to watch the brilliant and entertaining Sir Ken Robinson;  


YouTube Direct

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Posted in Closet Philosophy, Family, Feature, Home Schooling, Parenting | 5 Comments »

A New Beginning

July 26th, 2010

 

I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago but didn’t post it…Im not sure why. Anyway, here it is…

It is way past my bedtime and outside, the wind is howling like a pack of hungry wolves.  The rain is pouring down in bucket loads and it’s friggen freezing cold.  I have given up on my tiny overworked heater, that has been blowing its courageous little heart out for several hours and hopelessly failed to create the slightest bit of warmth in our home and so, I have retreated to my bed, in the hope that some warmth will be found there and some semblance of feeling, restored to my fingers and toes.

 This kind of weather always seems to stir something deep inside of me, kinda like the forces of nature themselves are calling me to task and demanding some explanation as to why I haven’t been doing anything even remotely inspirational with my life.    

I have no answer and am left wanting…the howling wolves outside seem impatient.

I haven’t posted anything for so long (in case you haven’t noticed) and this isn’t ideal, as writing for me is cathartic and necessary for my wellbeing and sanity (even if no-one is listening).  It is therapeutic and healing and without it, I seem to get a backlog of the “unexpressed”.  As I write this, I get a mental picture of a raging river that has become chocked with sticks and debris and is no longer able to flow.   Maybe that’s too dramatic but I’m telling it like I see it.   I used to have such an appetite for life and somewhere along the way that appetite has waned along with my inspiration. 

 It’s not just my lack of inspiration that has prevented me from writing but also a lack of technology (stupid computer is not behaving nicely) a lack of time (well, I am a home schooling mother, what the hell do I expect) and a lack of energy (well I am a home schooling mother, what the hell do I expect).  The stupid internet and my stupid computer and my madly disorganized life all seem to have conspired to “clog” up the flow of my inspiration river!

 On the positive side, this respite has made me realize how much I need to and more importantly; love to write.  It has given me a muddy kind of clarity on my life. 

 I have felt so overwhelmed with duty and obligation, tired with the endless demands of being a mother, wife, housekeeper, dog-walker, kitty litter cleaner, teacher and you know the rest… on and bloody on and every so often,  I manage a few stolen, guilty moments to indulge the writer in me.  

I want to write. I need to write!  There, I said it out loud…well actually, I wrote it out loud but you get the idea. 

So, to counter the “overwhelm” and clear the debris from my “river”, I’m going to write more and change the kitter litter less.  Write more and …well, I’m just going to write more and I’ll figure the rest out later.

 In honour of this commitment to myself, I have decided – just now, to give my blog a new name and a new look.  Now I just need to climb out of this rabbit hole and make it happen! See you on the other side…

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The Price Of Motherhood

May 19th, 2010

“The Mother is the most precious possession of the nation,

  so precious that society advances its highest well-being when

                   it protects the functions of the mother.”

                                               Ellen Key, 19th century Swedish writer   

Last Sunday was mothers day and the first day in what seems like an eternity, where I was free of the kids and had nothing pre-planned to do.  At first I thought that it was a great opportunity to simply kick back and read a book, sit in the hammock and generally just enjoy the day alone with my own thoughts.  And I did just that, but as I was rocking back and forth in the hammock I simply couldn’t concentrate on my book and a feeling of real restlessness was present within me.  So much so that I got up and began doing some cleaning and general housework.   I just couldn’t shake the question that kept musing around in what I laughingly refer to as my brain. And the question was, “What is my purpose when I’m not being a mother?”

Now, like many of us, I have a million and one things to do and activities to keep me busy but I really questioned what my deep purpose in life was and whether that was separate from being a mother?  Was it intertwined or was being a mother my purpose and what would happen when my children had grown and found their own purpose in life?

What would I be doing right now if I had never had children?  I certainly wouldn’t be cleaning the toilet or worrying about what I’m going to cook for dinner.

Then I had an epiphany (or maybe it was just negativity fueled by social repression)…I truly believe that our society wants me to forget my true purpose and resign myself to believing that motherhood is my purpose in life…what other explanation is there?  If I were to decide to pursue my other passions in life right now, it would come at a price.  To my children, to myself and to my relationship with my husband, simply because I would need to stretch myself a little further still and in that process I would loose a little bit more of my true self, because as women and as mothers it is apparent that we can’t really have it all.  Society doesn’t want us to.

Please feel free to correct me if you disagree, but from my perspective there is still a powerful stream of the most paralyzing kind of conventional thinking, centered on idealizing motherhood and deeply concerned with how a mother should look.  Haven’t we progressed at all?  The Stereotypes abound and I for one don’t seem to fit into any of the right boxes.  I would call myself an alternative parent yet even the alternative parenting community is rife with stereotypes.  

Much of the time, I feel as thought I am simply surviving and my time management and juggling skills are all that keep me from going under!  And let me tell you, I am not very good at being organized and I can’t juggle, so for the most part, my house is a wreck and I rarely figure out what I’m going to cook for dinner until 5pm when the kids are telling me they’re hungry. 

 There are endless websites and books spouting advice for all those desperate housewives out there.  Advice about how to be more organized and less cluttered.  There’s meal planners and weekly diaries all designed to “make your life easier” and stress free. But does it really make our life better? Does being more organised and having my meals planned for the week help me to feel more fulfilled? It may make my life easier or give me a little less stress in my day, but fulfilled…nah.

 How is it that we can feel balanced and whole when so much of our day is consumed with ‘Mother” thoughts.  The ‘role’ of mother is all consuming in our current culture and I’m fed up! I feel like this amazing free spirit that I am has become reduced to the appearance of “mother”.  When, for those brief moments I slip out of all roles and take off my ‘mum’ mask, I get a glimpse of my true self.  During these brief interludes, I feel alert, awake, energized uninvolved (with all the demands of motherhood) and intensely alive! I realize that the more I come to associate with myself as a mother the unhappier I feel.  I am sure I’m not alone?  The evidence is clear that mothers everywhere feel the same and we attempt to counter these feelings of being un-whole, unfulfilled, trapped etc by eating, shopping, going back to work and trying to “fill’ up our life with more stuff, only to realize that we feel more crappy than before.  Our whole society feeds this longing and industry is making billions from this insatiable hunger from mothers, for some kind of fulfillment and identity.  Let’s face it, unfulfilled stay at home mothers are a multi-billion dollar industry.

 From cleaning products to magazines, weight loss, food and supermarkets all carefully marketed to the suburban housewife, promising to given her a sense of purpose, identity, creativity and achievement and feeding off her growing sense of emptiness.  Buying things makes you feel better…for a little while.   Our lack of purpose and identity is manipulated into dollars.  We are manipulated into believing that our individuality and creativity is somehow wrapped up in our homes.  And if our homes are not maintained, we are judged and found lacking.

 My dilemma is that I love being a mother but I hate being a house wife.  I don’t want to be without my children. I don’t necessarily want to go back to work.  I simply want my life to be more…liberated and more in alignment with who I really am and what I really need as a human being.

 Wake up fellow mama’s we are not liberated yet and by God, how is it that we have all bought into this bullshit?   How is it that the burden of responsibility has fallen on our broad shoulders?  How far have we really progressed since the fifties?

 We are controlled by that terribly affliction called guilt.  I am here to tell you that we all feel guilty about our choices to one degree or another.  Whether or not that is to create a career outside of the home or to be ‘stay-at-home’ mum, at some time or another, we are controlled by this burden called guilt.   The reason for all this guilt is that we are living a lifestyle that is inherently adverse to our nature. 

 The reality is that I struggle to maintain my identity and sometimes it seems like there are forces larger than myself pitching to keep me in my place.

Is motherhood as we know it a choice or an edict?  I’m not talking about the choice to become a mother; I am talking about motherhood per se.  To be a ‘Homemaker’ seems to me to be a big lie manufactured by others to keep women in the home. Oh sure, we have a choice don’t we? 

 A home maker’s life is by its very nature mind numbingly dull and monotonous.


I love my children more than I love my own breath, more than life itself and I am truly grateful to have the privilege of being a mother, this isn’t the problem. The problem is, the idealized image of mother is bullshit and the truth is that society wants me to feel this way.  It never intended for me to get married, have children AND maintain my own aspirations and dreams, have my own financial independence, my own mind and ideas and time to pee.

I think mothers need to have an identity revolution. Who among us hasn’t had/isn’t having a personality crisis every day? Who am I? Not as a woman, wife, mother, career woman, daughter but as an expression of my full human potential?  Because I can’t begin to say how desperate I feel if I consider that the sum total of who I am is this…mother, homemaker, housewife.  I know this isn’t true, so why, in the year 2010 are we still accepting this limitation?

I would not give up my children for all the jewels in the Christendom, I love being a mother.  The joys and the riches it had brought to my life are beyond all measuring, but this isn’t who I am, it is one part of who I am.  And this is where the problem lies.  I don’t define myself this way but the society I am part of does and so here lies the conflict. 

Just sit and watch television for half an hour and ask watch the adverts – this will give you a clear picture of how liberated we are.  Luxury items such as cars, beer and more beer are what they pitch at men.  Whilst they try to sell me cleaning products, beauty products, weight loss programs and household items.  Jesus…how could we all be so gullible?  They are making billions out of unhappy unfulfilled and overweight housewives.

I’m sure that corporations want me to accept my role as a mother and feel fulfilled living vicariously through my children and husband? That feels like a really fucked up alternative to living as a free expression of my individuality and potential in this world.

My intelligence, life skills and talents far exceed the job requirements of being a housewife and I am consequently bored out of my tree keeping house.  I mean, how much of my talent and intelligence does it take to clean the toilet or vacuum the floor?  I’d say…ummm zero!!!

I’m not bored because I don’t have enough to do but I’m bored because what I do do the majority of the time as a stay-at-home-mum (which I  hate writing on those stupid forms when asked ‘occupation’) bores the shit out of me.

I feel like I have bought into a monumental lie that has been imposed upon me by the culture I am part of. It controls me with guilt and it weighs me down with the constant demands of keeping a home – according to the standards of our society.  How is it that I should feel a certain discomfort and at worst shame about the state of my household, as if it is somehow a reflection of who I am? It must be conditioning.  What other explanation is there?

This treatment of mothers is justified on the grounds that it is women’s “choice.” But I vehemently reject this rationale!   I wholeheartedly chose to be a mother, but I do not choose the adverse consequences of that decision.

Did any of us write the rules that govern how our daily work is perceived – and rendered invisible – by employers, by the law, or by government? Did any of us decide how we will be perceived by the society we are part of? No, no, NO!

So this mother’s day, I want to be honoured and celebrated as a human being and not as a ‘mother’. From this day onwards I say no to the labels of motherhood and yes to fulfilling my human potential and those unique qualities that make me…well, me!

Oh, happy female human day. You’re bloody amazing! :)

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Posted in Closet Philosophy, Family, Parenting | 4 Comments »

What Is That?

May 6th, 2010

I came across these charming short films from Constantin Pilavios and wanted to share them with you.  Hope you enjoy them!


YouTube Direct


YouTube Direct

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Posted in Family | 4 Comments »

Fence Trouble

April 26th, 2010

A funny thing happened the other day…well, it actually wasn’t that funny, but it was interesting and also a little disturbing to me….

 Flynn has been playing with our neighbors little boy who is about the same age.  They often talk over the fence and most of the time Flynn scales our tree and they converse and play together…yet separated, by the fence.

 The little boy next door is allowed to play from time to time and understandable his time is a little more tight than Flynn’s as he is at school all week.  Anyway, the past two weeks have been school holidays and the boys have been talking over the fence most days and they have played at each other’s house once during this time.

 They play really beautifully together and almost every day during the holiday’s,  Flynn has asked me if he could play with this little boy and of course my answer was always yes.  Unfortunately, this was not reciprocated from the other side.  Now, I appreciate that there are always times when this is not appropriate, say when visitors are coming or they have other plans etc…but I cannot understand why they don’t allow the boys to play when they are literally playing anyway (sometimes for 2 hours or more) separated by the fence!  We have all met one another and spoken etc, and I’m pretty sure I don’t look or act like a psychotic child molester (although I do listen to spiritual chants and John Denver music (not at the same time) and I do often sing really loudly- which could be concerning to some?)…so why?

 Anyway, the other day, after asking his dad for the 10th time if they could play and receiving the same “no” answer, the boys conspired to take down the barrier between them and dismantle the fence!  They collected their little individual tools and began to work together to remove the planks of the fence. Together, they collaborated their story and silently chipped away at the wall that separated them and curbed their freedom.

 Now, call me crazy but I say awesome!  I say how bloody wonderful that they worked so beautifully together to achieve a common goal.  They were at that time, level 6 thinkers (refer to post “Teach Like Your Hairs on Fire”)…breaking the rules and following what they thought was right.  They had to think how best to remove the planks and knew they needed to do it quietly to avoid detection (and possible punishment).  They just wanted to play for gawds sake!  Why the hell are there fences separating so many children in suburbia anyway?

 So, for all his efforts and for all the life skills, intelligence, imagination, intuition and courage he had to draw from to fight for his freedom and achieve this brave act of rebellion, the little boy next door was reprimanded, put down and given time out.

 I on the other hand, told Flynn, what an amazing and brilliant thing he had done and I reminded him that grown up’s don’t know everything and sometimes they are really dumb!  We pulled down a coupled of planks together, just to finish the job.  Maybe that’s why they don’t let him come over to play?

 So yesterday, they were at the fence again talking through his great hole they have made (which I might add, still has chicken type wire which does not allow the boys access to each others yard, it simply allows them to see one another and talk freely) and I heard his father again telling him off and arguing that it was dangerous (not sure how??) so they have now placed a paddling pool over the area and consequently, the boys can’t see each other through the fence any more.

 Flynn was so upset.  He was truly heartbroken, not only for himself, but also for his friend.  He couldn’t understand why and I couldn’t give him a good reason. “I don’t understand either little man”, was the best I could offer.

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Posted in Family, Parenting | 5 Comments »

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